FRIENDS, Neighbors and Nature Lovers...
Are you stressed and depressed due to the threat of GLOBAL WARMING?
Are you having trouble sleeping at night because of the danger to Polar Bears caused by the melting ice caps due to increasing temperatures caused by man’s obsession with oil?
You might be one of the millions who suffer from the hearbreak of GWG Syndrome (Global Warming Guilt).
How can YOU make a difference and change the rest of the world from the comfort and security of your home without affecting your personal life or busy schedule?
NOW YOU CAN STOP GLOBAL WARMING and Eliminate GWG Syndrome!
(Without any personal inconvenience)
Yes, Friends, you can help end global warming and achieve environmental balance in your life by purchasing your official Redstater Carbon Offsets today!
For each $100 offset purchased, I will not leave my 2-stroke weed whacker called “The Mosquito Killer” running all day long (or till it runs out of gasoline), thereby allowing YOU to mow your lawn once per week without feeling guilty of ruining the planet.
For each $500 offset purchased I will not leave all of the lights in the house (and garage) on all day long, allowing YOU to run the A/C a little cooler this summer, knowing you did your part to help stop global warming.
For every $1000 offset purchased, I will not drive my 800HP 110+ Octane gas guzzling, N02 assisted, muscle-car for one day allowing YOU to drive your Honda Civic to work and back all week with the peace of mind that you are saving Polar Bears and perhaps all mankind. ($5000 if you drive a hybrid since the electricity probably came from coal)
For each $10,000 offset, I will cut down one less tree for one year allowing YOU to keep it toasty warm all winter and even have a fire in your fireplace with the confidence that you are actually saving trees and are at one with nature and the universe. (BONUS OFFER: For $15000, I will throw one less Deer, Elk, Antelope or other critter in the freezer)
For each $50,000 offset, I will not leave the 4x4 Suburban diesel running all day long between stops and errands so that YOU can drive whatever you want whenever you want with a bumper sticker that reads “Got Carbon Offsets?” and a “better than you” smirk on your face. (decal and smirk not included)
For each $100,000 offset, I will park my nascar, monster truck and nitro dragster teams along with the entire moonshine operation for one week, allowing YOU to fly first class or charter aircraft, drive an RV or Motorhome Coach, limo’s, yacht’s etc. (with full bar of course) without the guilt normally associated with such extravagant ozone destroyers.
For a $1,000,000.00 offset, I will retire and never write another blog again, while you can fly around the country in your private jet giving lectures on manmade global warming and selling Carbon Offsets to the useful idiots while wearing a “better than you” smirk on your face.
NOTE: Leave the "Offset" money in an environmentally friendly recycled paper bag behind the mailbox down at the end of the road beside the big rock... or just put it in the "lockbox".
If you notice that I suddenly stop posting blogs, it simply means that Algore or some other idiot stopped by with a cool million and I am busy spending it ....with a “smirk” on MY face.
Labels: Algore, Bogus, Carbon Offsets, Flim-Flam, global warming hoax, Scam